um, hi there, I’m Leah. This is a more in depth look into what I think about things, and kind of me just typing what comes to mind, but if you want a more basic description of me, go here.
Anyways, I’m fifteen and naive as fuck. I really have no idea who I am or who I want to be, but that’s okay I guess, because I’m only fifteen. I’m really not good enough, I mean, I guess I’m kind of just there to be used by people, it’s sort of a talent. I’m just always there for people, and eventually they get tired of me and we split off for whatever reasons. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I’m just saying that this is the only thing I’m good at, being there for people.
Actually, I guess I do know who I want to be in a sense, I want to be someone who is very happy and content with life, someone who is very loved, someone who is very healthy and someone who is very self-sufficient.
And about the “being loved” thing, I still have this small childish hope that I’ll find love, but not that princessy mushy gushy love. But love that isn’t always perfect, but will, in the end, conquer any obstacle in it’s path, but is very laid back and calm, with someone who you can have fun and be comfortable with in the end. Also, they need to be your best friend, which is why I never understand why girls say they can’t tell their boyfriends everything. Basically, I’m really cliche when it comes to love, and very clingy, and that’s something that was always been, and will always be.
Yeah, that’s actually an important fact on getting to know me, because a lot of people ask me for advice on their relationships when I’m positively clueless on them. To be quite honest, I’ve only had one actual relationship. Now I’m just babbling about all this lovey dovey shit like I’m waiting on my pedestal for my prince charming to come, well I’m not, don’t worry. Love in general, whether it’s a relationship between a couple or relationships between friends are very dear to me, I guess is the best way to explain it.
Basically, I just find people incredibly important, even if I joke about hating them, I need them to keep me going, because I’m not very self-sufficient at all. I never have any motivation to do anything for myself, because I guess I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m not the most confident girl on the planet, but not the least confident. I just feel like a lot of people are just better than me in general. I’m not looking for sympathy, I mean, what girl in high school, or even student in high school, has super high confidence? Show me one fucking student, actually, a student who is confident and not cocky, because there’s a big difference.
I really like dorky people, or rebellious people. I like dorky people because I can just be myself and say the stupidest, out of context things to them and they’ll just laugh along with me at the stupidity. And I think rebellious people because, I’m not really sure, just something about them. And I don’t mean kids who deal pot in school, or people in the ghetto shooting up people, I mean people who look cool just being rebellious, if that makes sense. just, when you look at them, you think rebellious kid. But, I’m not friends with many of the rebellious kids, because I’m super awkward and nothing about me would really draw that type of person to me.
I’ve actually thought lately about what people think of me. I keep changing up my style and what I wear, lately my friends say I look “skater”, but if I touched a skateboard I’m pretty sure I would injure everyone within twenty feet of me, even though I’ve wanted to learn to skate since seventh grade, but that’s not the point. At one point in the year, I just wore skirts and bows, at another I just wore Vans, skinny jeans, beanies and sweatshirts, at another I wore patterned tights with boots and shorts, along with some kind of tee shirt, just I can never determine what I want to look like. Sometimes I want people to think I’m this weird mysterious girls who is secretly really deep and is secrelty admired, and somedays I want people to think I’m adorable, other days I wanted people to think I can look presentable with little effort, maybe even a tad grungy in a good way, some ways I just want to look badass and kind of dark, it’s quite strange.
I feel like people change a lot throughout highschool, but not on a day to day basis like I do, I feel like normally, people go through phases at this stage in their lives, it’s normal, it’s part of growing up. I’m just very confused of what I want to be thought of as, because there’s so many “imagines” that I could attempt to persue, but I’m scared because I feel like I’m a little bit of everything, but I feel the need to fit into one sort of “category” in a sense. Is that strange?
Hm, I guess I’ve told you enough about what runs through my mind. If anyone actually reads this that is, if you’ve gotten this far uh, message me the word “serenity”, because it’s a pretty word, and not something someone would normally say to me. okay bye, thanks for reading, if you have any other questions, here’s my ask. c:
